Why are all men this?

Fall Break

I cannot believe Autumn is here. Furthermore, I cannot believe the semester is halfway over! It has flown by.
God has been teaching me a few things recently; primarily the importance of leading your heart with your head. People often say that, "the distance between my heart and my head feels like 1,000 miles." I can relate. Often times I know certains truths in my head, but my knowledge does not impact my life and I am not affected by it. In fact, more often than not my heart "feels" a completely opposite way than my head "knows". It's so hard to convince yourself of something you know is true but don't feel. But God has been showing me how important that is, because in my sinful nature I will not always (or often) feel the way I should about certain situations, but I must still buck up and do what I know is right. "You must lead your heart."-Fireproof

I also had a really great devotion the other night. During stressful and busy seasons in my life, I tend to procrastinate and push away my time with God. In reality, He is more important than any chore I have to do! I find that when I take the "risk" of spending just a few moments with God, He blesses me so much and it is so much more worth it to spend time with Him than to try to skip out and accomplish more tasks, yet feel miserable from the lack of divine communication. Interestingly, when I am spiritually destitute, any little reading of the Word or praying encourages me to the max. The more I read and the more consistant I am, however, the more I have to work for that encouragement. For example, (because I can already see some of you furrowing your eyebrows,) If I haven't read in a week and I pick up my Bible and have a great heartfelt devo, I learn so much and come away so encouraged, even from just a few minutes. If, however, I have been consistant in my devo's and I pick up my Bible for that long, I think He almost moves me to pursue him more because I have to pray harder and longer and read more to get the same encouragement. I think it's His way of keeping me from being complacent and settling in a devo rutuine. The more I know Him, the harder I have to work to know Him more!

So yeah. That's what's up

Random thought of the day

Everyone wants to be respected by others, especially by those whom they don't know. So people tend to talk and act very carefully so as to not be too outgoing or seem too uncool, to gain that respect. If everyone feels this way...why don't we all just put down our defenses and be who we really are? The people with whom we are the closest are those whom we typically don't put up a front or that cool, nonchalant act I see people pulling all the time. Why don't we all just skip that first step and be ourselves from the start?

I began to doodle today and in about ten minutes, I incidentally found

Audrey Hepburn on my paper.

It's the Little Things

 ~Nature's Disco Ball~

                                                   

                                                            

  Autumn brings beauty through death...Often we, like the autumn leaves, must die that we might see another Spring

Back to the Books!

Enjoying Hemmingway a lot. I am genuinely really excited

about all the literature in my future!

The school year and picture blogging begins!

.....My ballet shoes as a kid. Good memories :).....

The Beginning of the End: August.

It's hard to believe that this summer is nearly over. While part of me longs for lazy days and time to watch as many "Say Yes to the Dress'' re-runs as I possibly can, I recognize that every season is good, and every season must come to a close. And it just so happens that I really love fall :)

Recently I participated in a mission trip in my area with my church and an out-of-state sister church. God completely took me by surprise as I learned things vastly different than those I originally expected to learn. I assumed God would work in a pretty predictable way--you know, give me a greater passion to spread His word, and a boldness to talk to others who are caught up in the empty religions of today. Instead, I learned what a wimpy Christian I am, as opposed to some "super, all-trusting-no-matter-what" one that people write books about. I lost my liscence in the middle of the week for a whole day, and drove in fear of the po-po's the whole time. As a side note, I'm kind of silly when it comes to difficult situations, because my bad mood and lack of faith in God causes me to feel sorry for myself and miserable about other totally-non-related aspects of my life. For example, I lost my liscence and all of a sudden I had no friends, I doubted God's faithfulness, goodness, and even presence, and lost all my joy. How shallow can I be!? So it was a good wake-up call for me to see that while I may think I am prepared for the worst in my life, I have a long way to go. Losing an important-but-replaceable belonging was just the spark of what I hope God will use to be a lesson of great importance in my life.

The mission team also went to a very dark, sin-infested area of town one night to observe the goings-on of my area at their worst. I had been to that area of town before, but not with eyes opened to the demonism and worship of false gods rampant throughout the festivities. It made me sick, sad, helpless, and hopeless to see such a large group of people so lost in their obsession over the earth, music, and even themselves. I wanted to scream, cry, something! But they were so caught up in their seemingly innocent dance and song that I felt I had no power to help them. They wouldn't even listen to me. Just like the dwarves in The Last Battle by C.S Lewis, or children who do not understand one's motives when one denies them something appealing, but deathly.
I had seen this before, but had not perceived it as what it was. And it shocked me. It really shouldn't have, but it shocked me. Growing up Christian I have lived in a bubble, and even known it, but when exposed to a portion of the greater percentage of the world, that is, the pagan one, I was overwhelmed. But I had no need to be! Jesus is the same victorious, all-powerful God that He was before I was exposed to such darkness, and His promises of triumph and hope are just as true now as they always were. I simply have a better perspective now for the world I am dealing with and how insignificant I am. But that's good. In the words of Arlo and Janis "Ever notice the best moments make you feel insignificant?" http://vimeo.com/9450037 (28 min.)

Also through events I will not take the time to describe, my distaste for highschool relationships has hereby been reinforced. I hope to never look at another boy again until I'm 25. (unless of course he's a bro from another mo ;] )

And that's all that comes to mind right now! So tired...must sleep... It's been a good week :) Here's to savoring the last morsels of summer.

I think I might take a picture every day of the school year (as opposed to blogging, since that would take more time.) Hm....

The Weekend Past

What an amazing summer this has been...it's not over! But the end is in sight. (Well it always is...heck, summer is only 3 months long.) I've been reevaluating a bit and trying to savor summer and do everything I should do, instead of the only thing I want to do--nothing.

But enough about me! The weekend past I visited a lake with mine comrades. It was a glorious adventure! I must admit, for the first few units of time I felt like I had to get to know them all over again. It had been a little while since we had last been together. That sense of alien-ness soon left, however, and we were soon buckling over in laughter and running around like little kids. Eating amazing food (like nutella, ribs, chips, peaches, pecans, chips, and chips,) getting lost on a dark country road (while enduring a horrific horror story provided by one of the motley crew,) climbing the roof and seeing peter pan, swimming with the leeches!!!, sailing in the breeze on our favorite Scorpion, Tipsy, whistling our own theme song, singing in around, being caught in a Cove in front of onlookers, making our own pirate flag, taking model shots, watching the triumph of good over evil (spain vs. netherlands,) plus the thoughts and emotions accompanied with each snapshot memory, all made the weekend-excursion truly unforgettable. I will miss the Tipsy crew when the leaves begin to fall, but the hope of another adventure on the horizon keeps my heart from sinking. The Captain of our lives has a map for each one of us and will bring us each to the Treasure we were made for, either by same paths or different. The point is that we will all arrive someday. And we will be together forever basking in the wealth of the Treasure we have found.

Should Be Asleep But Would Rather Blog

These days I have been doing a lot of chillin out and relaxing. Perhaps too much...I want to remember my earlier post on work and yet it feels so good to rest. I hated the rushing and constant going of Junior Year, or at least if I didn't hate it at the time, I certainly dread it now in the year to come. That's mostly why I haven't been doing much work, but rather working on my own self. I'm in the middle of literally 5 books right now. I love reading so much and am not patient enough to wait until I finish one book to start another; hence five books. I want to strengthen my brain and my beliefs this summer, not my biceps and abs. So I've been cutting back on the physical work and reading theology, classic novels, and a dash of poetry. As a friend would attest, I'm a philisophic wanna-be. I love thinking about life and living. Perhaps that's why I love the book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn so much. As far as plot is concerned, little happens. And yet the amount of personal growth, maturation, and hard struggles of life that is portrayed in the main family makes up and exceeds any lack of plot. When I go about my typical day I observe the ways in which people act or don't act, and the behaviors I want to imitate or avoid--that's about how I would sum up my life. Of course, the goal of those behaviors is really what's mostly important. Christ, or sin.
So I've been reading.

Also I've been trying to keep up with friends, and those who need a friend. It's oftentimes difficult to do. I must have a greater motivation to love than guilt, selfrighteousness, or even pity. My motivation for love and service must be love for Jesus and worship of Him. Without that foundation for life, I will run dry so quickly! And have! I am still struggling with serving and giving of myself emotionally without getting back. I thought I needed a mentor. Someone to disciple me. And I was right--I am in need of that, desperately. But not necessarily limited to an older, wiser woman, or a fellow teenager, or whomever. My Wonderful Counselor is Christ :) [what a cool name for a counseling agency! I'm sure it's overdone tho. There is nothing new under the sun.] My satisfaction ought to be met in Jesus Christ alone because He is truly the only one Who can truly provide it, and the only one deserving of my worship. (Because you display your greatest pleasure as your highest treasure-or, you worship what you enjoy and are satisfied in. Is it Jesus? For me I can rarely answer yes, but thankfully God takes me as I am and will continually be teaching me so that I can have hope in the future, not despair.)

On a more trivial note, I signed up for classes yesterday. Those days almost always turn out a bit melancholy. Not because I don't want to go back to school--quite the contrary. But something always happens. Last year I didn't get in the class I thought I just had to have, but God used it and the class I took instead, physics, is now at the top of my list of beloved classes. This year, however, the whole signing up process went smoothly until I got in the car where I received some hard news about a friend. (Exciting for her but difficult for me.) Yet I know Whom I have believed in, and I'm convinced that He is able to use this situation for my good and His glory, as He has in the past. I just need to be looking at life with a telescope, not a microscope. The here and now is important but keeping a future-focus (without wishing my life away) will help me to keep a right perspective. Further more, a telescope that can swivel! looking fowards and backwards to God's faithfulness in the past and God's promise for the future.

Sorry this is such a droll post. I feel I have just needed to tell some normal-daily life events so that I can acurately give an account and someday look back on the Oh-so-infamous summer of 2010 :)

Jenn

My brain is both exploding with things to say and yet empty from the explosion! Where to start...

So I went on a youth retreat with some really awesome people the past few days, to the Outer Banks. The things we discussed, thought of, and listened to are enough to fill an entire book. Some highlights of the wonderful sessions by Pastor Gambill (=more like conversations) are these:

•The story of redemption is written on every human heart. Every good story includes an aspect of the story of God's redemption of His people, from Cinderella to Spider Man III. Even directors who are not Christians are examples of this. Pastor Gambill told me that the screen-writer for Narnia inserted Aslan saying, "It is finished." after he killed the White Witch, because it sounded like the appropriate, triumphant thing to say. C.S Lewis' great grandson or newphew or whoever who was helping the screenwriter said, how appropriate since Jesus said "It is finished" before He died on the cross and accomplishing redemption of sins! and the screen-writer said, really?? I didn't know He said that.

•People who have worldviews different than mine are not to be scoffed at (example: the self-help groups, the environmentalists, the fundamentalists, etc.) They all have elements of truth to them--desires to fulfill the common longings in every human soul. And yet they go about it in a wrong way and Christianity is what ties truth all together, completing the viewpoint. For example-self help groups see that people often are so insecure and down on themselves that it is not healthy, and so they try to boost such peoples' security and confidence. I believe self-mutilation is wrong and harmful and God does not intend it! And yet the self-help groups go about defeating such a demon in the wrong way. Jesus on the other hand, restored our relationship to ourselves in redemption, and enables us to be free in Christ! Not so that we look in the mirror and like what we see, but becasue we can look beyond ourselves and see Christ's glory and be more fulfilled in that, and how He sees us, than any puffed up view of ourselves! See the idea? So many people on this earth have the right idea because all humanity is linked with common issues, desires, and feelings, and yet only Jesus fulfills all of them with the truth of His gospel.
Similarly with environmentalism; God also restores our relationship with nature when He saves us. Environmentalists try to esteem earth as on par with mankind at best, and higher than mankind at worst, and yet through Christ we see that we can live in harmony with nature and enjoy it's beauty, not because it is beautiful in and of itself (though it is!) but because it points us to an all-powerful, all-glorious Creator who made it! So I can't scoff at environmentalists exactly, because they see perhaps some of what God intended humanity to life like with respect to nature, but I believe they come from a wrong viewpoint and don't see the whole picture.
And on and on it goes :)

•Also, motivation for dilligence and obeying God is worship. Not guilt, or even grattitude, because both instill a works-based mentality in obeying Christ. But when we see God for Who He is (as much as one lowly human can,) one cannot help but burst forth in praise, adoration, and loving others as a result! You see how different that is than, I need to be a better person. I need to try really hard to not lie, to speak kindly to others, and to be joyful. Be joyful! Grrrrr!!!!! Joy!!!!!....it just doesn't work. I can attest. Worship everyone, is the motivator for dilligence. And also relying on the Holy Spirit, Who gave power to John the Baptist, Mary, Jesus Himself, and all throughout history. "If the Holy Spirit had the power to raise Jesus from the grave, then He has the power to get you out of bed in the morning." - Pastor Gambill. We cannot conjure up emotions to obey, but we must rely on the Holy Spirit to give us strength to live and essentially, get out of bed every morning.

Anyway, this highlights thing turned into a whole summation of the whole conference so I'll stop there before I run out of room, and your mental attention :)

Hope this spoke to you as much as it did me! There's so much more, I'd love to tell you sometime if you ever want to hear :)

Controversy? Why, that's my middle name!

So I'm going to address a sticky issue to most Christians today... the issue of using curse words. It has been brought to my attention several times over the past five years and I have been thinking a bit about it.

Check out this thought-provoking video by the Skit Guys real quick, and then keep reading: http://skitguys.com/videos/item/walk-the-talk/

I think they have a point. But first, I believe there are two main aspects on the issue of whether to curse or not to curse; 1) what is the definition of a curse word? and 2) for the Christian, does God really say not to curse?

The first aspect is pretty challenging. Are curse words simply cultural? That is, does one word have different meanings simply depending on the context? (the answer is yes. Ex: bloody) Therefore, is there absolute truth concerning curse words? Are any without-a-doubt wrong, or does it simply depend on where you are? Perhaps curse words simply take on the meanings we impose on them (like any word in any language, I suppose.) I believe that is true. Is it wrong then, for us to curse in different languages? I do not know what I believe in this case. For those words seem harmless to us in our own culture, and yet, we speak them in bad conscious if we realize the connotations they hold and use them anyway, as a guilt-free way of cursing. Are curse words then, simply words which we impose a negative meaning? Perhaps that is what the skit guys were getting at-perhaps the actual word itself is not the issue, but the heart behind the mouth behind the word that is intent on hurting or degrading. And yet people do not always use curse words to degrade-people use them when they are really stoked about something, positively or negatively. And so you see there are plausible sides to each argument concerning the actual definition of curse words and consequentially, whether or not it is honoring to God to use them.

Secondly, does the Bible actually say not to curse? Do a word search for "cussing" and you won't find anything. HA! See? Most people would say. And yet if you take the position stated above that curse words, forget whether they are cultural or not, all words that have a negative meaning imposed on them are not to be spoken by the Christian. To me, there are so many other beautiful words in the human language that we don't have to use ones that are tainted with a bad reputation and offense! My mom has recently been struck with the verse Jeremiah 15:19, concerning the value of good words: If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as My mouth. That's coming from God! When we say good things, uplifting things, encouraging things, beautiful things, it's as if we are the very mouth of God (who of course always says beautiful things, and nothing worthless!) I see curse words as low, not glorious! And for those of you who don't find the issue of cursing in the Bible, read James 3:10-12. "From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water." The first part makes sense, (score!) but what's with the second? I believe it is saying that if one is pure on the inside he ought not to utter impure words, giving light to the first issue, the definition of curse words. They are, according to these verses, completely unnatural for the Christian to utter since they are so unlike him who has been purified by Christ's blood.
And don't give me that, I just cuss in front of my friends who do, argument. Don't be a spineless follower and conformer!

I have one final thought to leave you with as you decide where to stand on the issue of cursing, (because you must stand on one side or the other! It's right or it's wrong. You won't curse or you will.) Would you curse in a prayer? Would you utter the words we know as curse words, in front of God? Because the truth is, God is omnipresent. He hears whatever you say and even knows your motivation behind it. Regardless of whether your words are labeled "curse words" or not is beside the point. Speak the words that you would speak in front of the Judge, Creator, Ruler, and King of the universe, for every word you speak is indeed said as much to Him as it is anyone else.

Now let's have some feedback, as I'm sure many of you have a few things to say :)

Summer is kickin in, and I'm already kicking myself

So I've come up with an ideal daily summer routine (cause you know by now of my phobia of feeling lazy and literally needing to work or do something during the day!). It's funny, you know, how one finds out what one truly lives for when there's all the time in the world. (=summer!) I should hope I live for more than working out, Facebooking, blogging, and eating...but that seems to be the majority of my summer goals (minus the eating.) But some of the things I have been trying to do everyday include walking or running in the mornings, having a lengthy, un-rushed time with God, reading the Bible, praying, and maybe listening to a sermon online, then doing chores and helping out my mom, then catching up with my phone-lovin friends(you know who you are), and then hanging out with friends or reading or whatever.

Basically I want to A) live a healthy lifestyle physically and spiritually and B) I want to be there for other people. I don't want my summer to be all about me, which is definitely a temptation. I see this time of year though as a great time to catch up on all the things I didn't have time to do during the school year, or all the people I didn't have time for :(. As many of you know I've let myself neglect a lot of people in my life for the sake of school, which is good in moderation, but obviously should not impede relationships. And yet it has. So I'm trying to fix that!

Besides my immediate family of friends, there are so many people out there who need a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a counselor, etc. and I also hope to invest myself into those people and serving them as Jesus would.

Today as I met with a friend from class downtown, we came upon a few homeless people. Homeless people are a sticky issue, though perhaps they shouldn't be. I've heard all different arguments over whether it's good for the person to be given money, or food, or anything at all, and I've generally come to the conclusion that most homeless people are homeless because of their own faults and therefore shouldn't be given money. They'll probably spend it on something harmful to them, or illegal, or both. (For those of you who have taken Social Psychology, I've fallen prey to the "just-world-phenomenon".) Also I've come to the conclusion that I should ignore such people, especially men, if I am without a guy. (which is probably wise) So anyway- my friend and I came upon several homeless men, and what does my friend do? She talks to them, smiles, and gave one a quarter she had found earlier. I was dumbstruck. Here I was trying to be a friend to her, and yet she made an even more lasting impression on me by simple acts of kindness that broke through my comfort zone! Even worse, I mumbled to one of the men that I didn't have any money though I had a wad of cash with me, and forgot to offer some untouched fruit I had with me. I could have at least given my food, if money wasn't wise! But I didn't think about it. I'm going to be more clear minded and thoughful next time, and hopefully I won't have cause to feel ashamed and utterly hypocritical again.

I'm so thankful Jesus has unconditional love for me when I represent Him so poorly. He has done so much for me and yet I continue to spit in His face with my sin and ungratefullness. I praise Him for having the greatest love and biggest heart in the universe, and for throwing my sins into the depths of the sea never to be thought of again, and for seeing Christ's righteousness when He looks at me!

♪ Hallelujah, what a Savior! ♪

:]

There comes a time in one's life when one simply has to let go.

La Playa Hermosa

En la playa con mis abuelos y mi familia! Era muy hermosa...

When we first got to the beach parking lot we couldn't see the beach and it was rather stifling and hot...but as we walked we entered into a tropical paradise-a canopy of palm trees swaying in the breeze, and flowers bobbing and greeting us. Then we got to the bridge-and oh the sight we beheld! For there before our ocular devices crashed some of the most blue waves I have ever seen, just beyond blinding white sand and an array of sun tanners' umbrellas. To say we all gasped is an understatement.

The beach is beautiful, that's for certain. With sugar there is always spice, however, and often the wind blew sand into my eyes or salt water decided to find its home in my mouth. In heaven I believe we will be able to enjoy the shores without sunscreen and the water without goggles...I can't wait :)

Today we went to a city with the same name as an Italian city, and it's buildings and attractions certainly made us feel as though we were in Europe! The best pizza and shops, beachfronts and condo's...one customer who went to the same retaurant as we did pulled up in his boat and docked just in front of the outdoor tables! Such a life is unfathomable to me...though I can pretend I belong in it, wearing the right clothes and eating the expensive foods, my home is in the mountains. Moreover, my home is in a humble house with humble foods and a minivan! I'm not sure what it would be like to live the highlife, but I have a feeling that most who do are not as happy as those who get by with the basics of life and make the rest up as they go along :) Henna kits and parking garage roofs are enough for me.

I must say though, that I have not been myself as of late. I hope this feeling ends soon. It's been a year, and I am still getting over my first and hopefully last heartbreak. You all can certainly pray that Jesus would "restore unto me the joy of my salvation, and renew a right spirit within me."

I also saw Avatar for the first time this week! All I can say is WOW!!!! Who imagines such worlds!? Who, moreover, can portray them with such lifelike-ness? I guess the director of Avatar, for he certainly nailed it on the head!

The New Age and "mother earth" themes were a bit disconcerting, but I spit out the bones and ate the rest of the fish. I viewed parts of the movie in this way: The main character (his name escapes me,) was looking for legs. That was his main goal in life that would enable him to be the man he wanted to be. But through the Avatar program and his relationships with the Navi, he gained something better, that he never even dreamed of; a whole new body. That's what Jesus does for us. Not only does He forgive our sins and take our punishment of all hell's thunder, (all God's wrath!) but He gives us Himself, and that is better than anything we ever could have dreamed of.

Also, as a side note, as I watched Pandora unfold before me and saw the beautiful creation, I kept thinking, who could have ever thought of this!? I have never even dreamed such beautiful things! And I believe heaven will be just like that. Constantly amazing us, beyond the best and most beautiful images and colors and feelings and sights and sounds and tastes we could ever imagine! Jesus will be even better than that! And yet when I speak of heaven, I do indeed mean Jesus as well, for without Jesus there is no heaven. In that sense, one may say that heaven is Jesus. (esp. since eternal life begins the day one meets Jesus and makes the "bond" with Him similar to the avatar and their horses [new connection! ha!] )

Here's to another great day! May we all rest in Christ's merit freely given to those who believe!

♥ to all,

Jenna

The first taste of summer was a sweet one

What a beautiful summer this is turning out to be! Yesterday I was still in the school mode and couldn't bear to just sit around, so I cleaned out a part of my garage, weeded in the yard, read a book, listened to some sermon clips, and then worked 3-4 hours at my new job! I was pretty tired last night, but it was well worth it.

There's something to be said for working...I believe God created us to work and enjoy it. That's why he dropped Adam and Eve in a garden to live! It was beautiful and I suspect that it required some upkeeping. But before the fall, there were no briars or thorns, and the earth yielded some goood stuff. It was satisfying to work! After the fall all that changed, but my mom and I agree that perhaps when Christ brings His people Home on the last day, we will partake in great, satisfying work! Maybe we'll build Him a city! Who knows! But i get that feeling once in a while where I take such pride and joy in the work of my hands, and it feels so natural I can't help but think that that's part of what God created men to do. Work for Him, that is.

Along those lines, as I was washing 2 million dishes last night at work, I was thinking that we often scoff at people like NBA players whose jobs have become mere means for money. We look down on famous people, condemning them with "they just do it for the money", and, "they don't even love it like they used to. they've sold out." But for goodness sake, is not nearly every middle class American guilty of the same? How many times have we heard, "well, a job's a job. I'm getting paid and that's what matters." We find very little joy in work and treat it just like any famous athlete, looking only for the money! Well, we say, the reason we condemn such famous, "sold out" people is because they actually have jobs one could take joy in, and yet they lose focus. After all, playing basketball everyday sure does sound better than a desk job. But that goes to what I just said--man can find joy in work, no matter what kind! Given, there are awful jobs out there, but you see my point--work can be a joy and it's rather hypocritical to blame some for "doing it just for the money" when that's really the majority of people's motivations for working.

I'm going to try to keep focus and do at least a little work everyday this summer, so as not to grow lazy and give up the greater joy of the satisfaction found in a bit of hard work.

Okay I was about to wrap this up but I think I'll throw in one more point I've thought of before-what happens when I oraganize all the closets, drawers, and rooms in my house, and I've weeded all the gardens and clipped all the bushes, and had all the garage sales I can have-say I theoretically "complete" all this work I'm hyped up about. Then what? What is my life really about? Just getting to the next point in life, completing a task, meeting a deadline? What do I really live for, Who do I live for, what....what....what?!? It's mind boggling.

Along those lines, what happens when the rich person "fulfills his duty" or "calling" by giving everything away, and sacrificing himself for the sake of the Gospel. Giving to the poor, the needy, ministries, etc. When you give it all away-then what? What about poor people? How do they sacrifice? Even if they give everything away, how do they serve and sacrifice after they've hit that wall? I suppose the answer I came up with is that all along one should give of himself to his fellow man. And one can do that whether rich or poor. They rich may give of himself by giving of his possessions, while the poor may give of himself by giving of his time. I don't know, just a thought I had...

There's hardly any Jesus in these posts. That's pathetic. I'll try to fix that next time...

Jenna

Sunday-so glad God invented it

Today at church we had a very interesting discussion in Sunday school on Open vs. Closed Communion. Basically Open Communion states that anybody who is a professing believer is free to take communion at that particular church. Closed communion states that one must abide by the church's beliefs, specifically in reference to baptism, and only then is he able to participate in communion. For example, a Presbyterian church practicing closed communion would not allow [saved] Baptists to partake in communion because baptists do not abide by that presbyterian church's beliefs, especially concerning baptism.

The question sparked a lot of debate---ahem, dicussion---on what baptism really is, why my Church believes in believer's baptism, if refusing communion to someone is denying their salvation, etc. I realized that I know NOTHING. Who knew something as simply and seemingly innocent as communion could actually be viewed different ways, even between people of the same denomination! And that's just communion! Who knows what else there is that I have assumed to be straight forward, when in reality it's nearly as complex as the human eye! I'm not sure how I feel about this newfound knowledge- I almost feel as if ignorance is bliss, in the sense that whenever I visit a church I may very well get caught up in their views on communion and whether I should partake or not, when for heaven's sake I should just be able to go and worship with fellow believers in Christ with the unity that Jesus speaks of in John 17. So the complexity of doctrine and faith in Jesus is somewhat daunting. Yet I also found it to be exhilarating. To know there is so much out there beyond what meets the eye is an incredible thought.

After all the "discussions" ;] at church (all in good nature), we went to my Pastors house and had a really great time of eating and talking about even more spiritual matters I had never considered. I loved to sit back and listen, perhaps occasionally inserting an opinion I deemed worthy of hearing, and to soak in the wisdom around me. I'm realizing I'm more of a quiet person than not and wonder what that entails for the person I may be with someday...

I have heard that opposites attract AND that birds of a feather flock together; but which is it? If I find myself to be more quiet, do I need to find someone opposite who balances me out or do I need to find someone who is similar and who understands me?... Who knows. I'm glad it's not up to me!

College and marriage and all those "beginnings" of life (which really feel more like endings) are coming up so close. It's really hard to believe! I kind of imagine that once I find someone and marry them, life will just pass on as a blur and I'll die soon afterward. Ha! But seriously, society seems to promote such a view in the sense that all the movies are about finding that special someone, and maybe getting through the wedding, but after that, they have a baby, they grow old together, the baby grows up, and they die! Think about a movie that actually starts with the couple getting married and portrays their life after marriage. There aren't a lot that I know of, at least. Average Joe might throw out "Up" (a favorite movie of his,) but that's about all I can think of...so yeah. It's weird to think of life beyond college, marriage, and maybe a kid or two.

Random string of thoughts has come to an end. Happy Sunday. It's been a good day :)

Jenna

School's out and the fun's begun!

I decided to write a blog because 1) I tend to keep a lot in 2) I have a lot I want to say but never do 3) when I get the opportunity to say what I want to, I've forgotten it already...

Summer started off AMAZINGLY! After my last three exams on Wednesday, Average Joe (bff) and I played guitar under the Tree (THE tree ;] ) at our community college, which attracted all sorts of people of most interesting natures. It was the first hour of pure care-free joy I had had in a long time. School has really weighed down on me seeing that it has been the year to "shine" as my Mom would say, since I needed to do well for the upcoming College Apps. So after all that pressure was over and I had squeezed every drop of energy and brain power out of my body, I was so happy I honestly didn't know what to do with myself.
I think people all over the world work as hard as I did that last week of school, and yet they man-up and move on with life a lot better than I did. I treat those last weeks of school as if I had done something really special and praiseworthy, when in reality hardwork is just one of life's necessary ingredients.

After tree-side guitar playin, I hung out with Nat D. Itnoc, Average Joe, and their Lovely Assistant and we recorded some music downtown, almost getting in trouble with the law (funny story). I hope we have lots of adventures like that soon-what a rush it was, being with friends, having good clean fun, and adding the element of possible danger...there's not much like it :)

The Lovely Assistant (bff :] ) and I had a good spiritual conversation on our way from her house to church the next morning. I haven't had one in a long time. I've managed to kill most relationships the past few weeks, including that between God and me, and I am realling feeling it. I almost feel as if I've never been saved and I have to start all over, because I've forgotten everything about Him and how to have a relationship with Him, except just my own head-knowledge of Him. There's no heart knowledge, as it were, ("and it most definately were," as Big Bro would say).
I hope all that changes soon. I believe this summer to be very promising. Perhaps hope is a better word.

All for now.

Jenna