These days I have been doing a lot of chillin out and relaxing. Perhaps too much...I want to remember my earlier post on work and yet it feels so good to rest. I hated the rushing and constant going of Junior Year, or at least if I didn't hate it at the time, I certainly dread it now in the year to come. That's mostly why I haven't been doing much work, but rather working on my own self. I'm in the middle of literally 5 books right now. I love reading so much and am not patient enough to wait until I finish one book to start another; hence five books. I want to strengthen my brain and my beliefs this summer, not my biceps and abs. So I've been cutting back on the physical work and reading theology, classic novels, and a dash of poetry. As a friend would attest, I'm a philisophic wanna-be. I love thinking about life and living. Perhaps that's why I love the book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn so much. As far as plot is concerned, little happens. And yet the amount of personal growth, maturation, and hard struggles of life that is portrayed in the main family makes up and exceeds any lack of plot. When I go about my typical day I observe the ways in which people act or don't act, and the behaviors I want to imitate or avoid--that's about how I would sum up my life. Of course, the goal of those behaviors is really what's mostly important. Christ, or sin.
So I've been reading.
Also I've been trying to keep up with friends, and those who need a friend. It's oftentimes difficult to do. I must have a greater motivation to love than guilt, selfrighteousness, or even pity. My motivation for love and service must be love for Jesus and worship of Him. Without that foundation for life, I will run dry so quickly! And have! I am still struggling with serving and giving of myself emotionally without getting back. I thought I needed a mentor. Someone to disciple me. And I was right--I am in need of that, desperately. But not necessarily limited to an older, wiser woman, or a fellow teenager, or whomever. My Wonderful Counselor is Christ :) [what a cool name for a counseling agency! I'm sure it's overdone tho. There is nothing new under the sun.] My satisfaction ought to be met in Jesus Christ alone because He is truly the only one Who can truly provide it, and the only one deserving of my worship. (Because you display your greatest pleasure as your highest treasure-or, you worship what you enjoy and are satisfied in. Is it Jesus? For me I can rarely answer yes, but thankfully God takes me as I am and will continually be teaching me so that I can have hope in the future, not despair.)
On a more trivial note, I signed up for classes yesterday. Those days almost always turn out a bit melancholy. Not because I don't want to go back to school--quite the contrary. But something always happens. Last year I didn't get in the class I thought I just had to have, but God used it and the class I took instead, physics, is now at the top of my list of beloved classes. This year, however, the whole signing up process went smoothly until I got in the car where I received some hard news about a friend. (Exciting for her but difficult for me.) Yet I know Whom I have believed in, and I'm convinced that He is able to use this situation for my good and His glory, as He has in the past. I just need to be looking at life with a telescope, not a microscope. The here and now is important but keeping a future-focus (without wishing my life away) will help me to keep a right perspective. Further more, a telescope that can swivel! looking fowards and backwards to God's faithfulness in the past and God's promise for the future.
Sorry this is such a droll post. I feel I have just needed to tell some normal-daily life events so that I can acurately give an account and someday look back on the Oh-so-infamous summer of 2010 :)
Jenn
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